Perception vs. Reality

Weight Loss: How I've Done It

2009-09-07T16:55:00.003-05:00

79. Lose 30 pounds

I wanted to wait until I reached my first weight loss goal to share with everyone my experiences with it, but I've decided to just do it now.

Growing up, I have always been sort of a chubby girl. Even when I was little (like 4 or 5) I remember being very conscious of my weight. I don't think there were a lot of other children that were "overweight". Most kids I was surrounded by were thin. At that age I don't think it bothered me as much, I just knew I was different. I wondered why I had to be the chubby kid. I wondered what made me different. Did I really eat that much more junk food? Candy? Soda? McDonald's? Was I really that much less active than other children? I didn't think so. I played t-ball at the youngest age you could join and played every year up until high school. I played volleyball in middle school. I played basketball a few different years. I rode my bike and played outside. So why was I was I bigger than everyone else?

I don't remember my weight really bothering me until freshman year of high school. Up until then, I always had this view of being the loser girl for some reason. I think that stemmed from my weight. No one wants to be associated with the chubby girl. She was gross because she was bigger. I don't know where that all came from, but that's what I thought. I think part of it came from when we moved when I was in third grade. I suddenly became very conscious of the image I put out and whether or not people accepted me. I became very quiet because I was afraid they wouldn't. Anyway, that's another story for another time.

So anyway, freshman year of high school I played volleyball for my school. We were required to wear spandex shorts. Being heavier, this was a nightmare for me, as I'm sure most girls probably weren't comfortable with it at first. Spandex are just NOT very flattering. Before the school year started there was volleyball camp or whatever you'd like to call it. Now, this was a long time ago, so I don't remember exactly what happened, but I know we went through intensive workouts for a period of time. I think in about 2-3 months I lost about 30 pounds or so. I recall drinking chocolate milk a lot whenever I got hungry instead of snacking. I don't remember what I ate for meals. I think I probably only ate two meals a day or something. Basically, I don't think the way I lost the weight at the time was healthy. I don't think it was an eating disorder per se, but it wasn't healthy. I remember after losing all that weight still thinking I was fat--also not healthy. Looking back at pictures of me from that time, I was actually pretty skinny. The skinniest I'd ever been in my life. Why did I think I was still so fat?! I must have been crazy. Or mentally ill.

I ended up quitting volleyball towards the end of the year because they wouldn't let me play. I thought it was bullshit--all they cared about was winning. I wasn't used to that sort of approach, thought it was bullshit and quit. I don't have any idea how long it took me to put that weight back on, but come college I think it was about 130 pounds. A year later I was probably about 145 (freshman 15, right?), and then come end of my senior year, I reached my highest low, if you will. I managed to make it up to 179. This is when I decided things HAD to change. I didn't like the way I looked in pictures, I didn't like the way my clothes fit, etc. Sometimes I was ok with my curves, but most of the time I wasn't. Mostly because I compared myself to pictures from freshman year of high school. I liked the way I looked then. I thought I looked pretty. Healthy. I still wasn't skinny, but I was ok with it. I embraced those curves. Now I just thought I looked gross. I didn't feel healthy, so I changed.

I don't remember for sure when I weighed 178 or 179 pounds, but it was probably around the second to last week in June. There were some other things going on in my life at that time that also helped me focus on losing weight. I had been seeing someone who suddenly just sort of dropped off the face of the planet, I was living at home stressed out, wasn't happy, etc. I think the living at home thing is really what helped me to focus on losing weight. That and the depression and anxiety that came from the guy that suddenly just started ignoring me. I couldn't stop thinking about it, so to stop, I worked out in the evenings. I filled each evening with different activities to keep myself busy. I worked full time, so evening was all I had to be at home. Being at home stressed me out, so I went out and worked out to get away from home, so I had at least two things motivating me to get out.

I walked with my neighbor. We went for 1.5+ mile walks at least 1-3 times a week. I started playing volleyball with friends Monday nights. I joined a softball team that played Wednesday nights. Tuesday nights I did Turbo Jam or Hip Hop Abs. I went and played tennis. I did other dvd work outs at home. I went running. I did a variety of things. I think this is a large part in why I have lost weight. I didn't mention this earlier, but my sophomore year of college I worked out nearly every day. I did Turbo Jam. Now, I toned up, but I didn't lose any weight. I didn't get any smaller or see a change on the scale, just notice that I toned up. I eventually gave up and lost the definition.

I've also gotten on a regular sleeping schedule. I think this helps a lot as to when I eat. I eat breakfast every morning before work. I have a morning snack, I eat a late lunch, I have an afternoon snack, and dinner. After dinner I generally don't eat anymore. If I do, it's a small snack. This means I'm usually not eating anymore after 8pm the latest. I go to bed around 10:30. I don't know if that whole "don't eat two hours before you go to bed" thing really does anything, but it might since I've been losing weight. I eat smaller meals now. I can't even finish an entire meal anymore. For example, I can't eat a whole Big Mac, fries and drink from McDonald's anymore. I can't eat my entire steak, potato and salad at Outback anymore. I think portions are a big help. My snacks are things like almonds or granola bars (like FiberOne or Kashi). I don't drink pop anymore, at least not often. I drink at least 2 bottles of water a day if I don't work out, and if I do work out I usually have 4+. I don't eat much sugar. I don't eat candy. If I need something chocolately, I have a square or two of dark chocolate (85%). Of course, sometimes I treat myself (or just cave in) and have a pop or shake or something. I still eat McDonald's (probably once or twice a week). So really, the things I eat haven't changed all that much, but the portion has changed, or I've chosen a healthier version of it (or both).

Last but not least, I've started taking acai berry juice every day (or most days). The kind I take has other juices in it so it tastes really good. I've tried the 100% acai berry juice and it's nasty. I'm not sure if this juice has anything to do with the weight I've been losing, but I'm not about to stop taking it to find out. I started taking it for the nutrients and stuff. I've heard it's supposed to promote weight loss, but I was skeptical. Right now I take probably 2 ounces of it in the morning after I eat. I started taking about 1 ounce of the 100% acai juice in the morning for a week and about 2 ounces of the other stuff at night if I remembered, and through that week I didn't see as much weight loss. Granted this could have been because the following week I was going to get my period or something, I don't know. I just went back to the other stuff though for now and I'll experiment with the 100% acai juice again later. Might as well since I've got it, right? Not like I can return it.

Anyway, that's how I've lost the weight that I have. I lose about 1-1.5 pounds a week. I found that for some reason I weigh the least on Monday mornings, so those are my official weigh in days. Today I weighed myself and I'm down to 161.5 pounds. That means I'm 2 pounds away from my first weight loss goal. I'm so close I can taste it! And I KNOW I can do it. This is the first time in my life that I've actually been able to lose weight, and I intend to keep going and keep the weight off. The things that I think have helped me is several motivational factors, a variety of exercise (not just one thing), portion control and healthier choices when eating, and acai berry juice. Having someone to work out with helps too, and I honestly think a regular sleeping schedule helps.

I've started incorporating weight training in to my working out schedule, so we'll see how that changes things. I just know that I've been losing weight in a healthy way, and I'm proud of myself for sticking with it. It's been a slow process. I know that when I start working out I want to see results right away, but this isn't the case. Sure one pound a week might seem like nothing, but over time, that's a lot of weight! I think that's another thing that has helped me. Rather than say, "I want to lose 30 pounds" and get frustrated by what the scale tells me each week, I just focus on my weight week by week. My goal is to lose one pound a week, and now I've already almost lost 20 pounds! So don't just make large goals for yourself, make small ones. This way you can accomplish them, and then you still have your big goal to work towards. So what I did was I started with a big goal. I want to lose 30 pounds. Then I looked at my current weight and made my second big goal to make it to the 150's (about a 15 pound weight loss). Then I made a small weekly goal to reach my first achievable big goal: lose one pound a week. And that's all I've been doing--looking at how much I lose each week. I've started keeping a chart of my weight from week to week as well. Every other week I was doing measurements too, but now I'm going to do that once a month. I'm also going to start taking pictures to track my progress.

So anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it! haha Two more pounds to go!!!

101 Things Update #2

2009-09-03T18:21:00.002-05:00

It's been awhile since I've written here, so I'm going to do one huge post to update what I've been doing on my list.

2. Get two other people to make a 101 things list
I got my friend Jose to make a list, however, it was a list of 50 things to do in a month or something.

8. [Finish] knitting a scarf
I finished knitting the scarf I started back in January. I'm going to donate it to Hats 4 the Homeless. I've started a second scarf to keep for myself. Once I finish this one I plan to knit another one for Hats 4 the Homeless. Assuming I finish that scarf, I may next attempt to knit a hat to send them as well.

13. Watch 5 classic films
Awhile ago I watched The Philadelphia Story. I almost didn't watch it, but I'm glad I did. It started out slow, but about 15 minutes in to it it started getting a lot better and I actually really liked it.

21. Learn to play 4 new songs on the piano
I've learned to play Someday I'll Fly Away from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack, and I'm working on Love Song by Sara Barielles and Gimme One Reason by Tracy Chapman.

26. Make a new friend
I haven't made what I consider to be a new friend yet, but I have made many more acquaintances. I joined a softball team where I only knew one person, and I've spent time with some people at work that I don't normally talk to. Of the things I've completed/started on so far from my list, this is one of the most exciting/rewarding ones to me.

55. Buy a Canon XL1S
Um....yeah, I bought it! :)

64. Go a week without logging in to AIM
I rarely use AIM at all anymore actually. I'm sure I've gone a week or more without logging in. Next step, go two days without looking at Facebook! I rely on the internet too much.

79. Lose 30 pounds
Right now I've lost around 15 pounds. Halfway there!!! Even if I don't make it to 30 pounds, it feels so good!

83. Go for a run
I actually went a couple times. This should have been something more like go running regularly, or go for a run once a week for a month. I'm going to try start running more.

98. Play volleyball
I actually helped organize a group of people to play every Monday night for about a month and a half, but now most of them are going back to school, so we probably won't be playing anymore. :( It was fun while it lasted. I miss volleyball.

Looks like that's it from my list that I've been doing, at least that I can remember. Going through this list again, I'm thinking about changing some because they are so similar and adding different ones. That's something I'll maybe look at this weekend.

Wii Fit vs. The Scale

2009-06-18T19:48:00.002-05:00

Get ready folks, I'm about to get technical on your ass!

Ok, so maybe not so much. At any rate, this is about to be probably one of the most useful blog entries I've ever provided to mankind, so put your spectacles on and fasten your seatbelt.

Alright, so I'm a little excited about this entry, give me a break.

For those that don't know, which is probably everyone except for Amanda, I am trying to lose weight. Big deal, right? Like who isn't trying to lose weight. Granted, I've been working on this for...well basically 75% of my life, things actually seem to be going right. That's right, I've dropped a few pounds (now available for adoption if you wish). Anyway, the point of this entry is not to talk about my weight loss, believe it or not. It's actually for me to present to you my somewhat extended knowledge on the Wii Fit. I know, you're impressed. I actually had sources and everything, but I accidentally shut my computer down before saving them, so I'm going to do half of this from memory. Now you really are impressed, aren't you? ;)

Ok, so first I'm going to discuss the Wii Fit. There's been a lot of debate among many people as to whether or not it will actually help you lose weight. I can't testify to it's effectiveness in this aspect as I've only exercised with it a handful of times. I can tell you that it actually got my heart rate up, got me sweating, and made me sore. It all depends on how long you do it, the intensity you do it at, and which exercises you do. For instance, I find the yoga section to be AMAZING. I love it, and I f***ing hate yoga. The hoola hoop game is another favorite of mine. At any rate, in my opinion, it is better than nothing and a fun alternative to usual workouts. I wouldn't recommend using the Wii Fit alone, but it gets you off the couch.

That said, after using the Wii Fit several times and doing the body tests, I began to wonder how accurate the Wii Fit is as a scale. So this doesn't become extremely confusing, I'm going public with my weight. AHH! Ok, so when I started using the Fit, I was at a whopping 179 pounds. I don't remember for certain, but I think our scale said about the same thing, maybe a pound or two difference. That was a little over a month ago. Last week I weighed myself again on the Fit, and suddenly it said I'd dropped down to 164 pounds (holy crap!). Shocked, because the week before I was down to 172, this seemed to be too good to be true. I went upstairs and weighed myself on our digital scale, and that read I think 174. So...I did some research.

If used properly, the Wii Fit can actually be frighteningly accurate. Someone stated it's accuracy as being down to 1/10 of a pound. How they know this, I'm not sure. It was on a yahoo question thing. I tried doing some research on the Wii website, and found nothing about accuracy or anything. I'm thinking about writing an email in. I'm curious to know how it measures the weight. I read that the sensors are highly, get this, sensitive, and that's how it's so accurate, but I'd like to hear some more technical things from Nintendo. Anyway, if the Fit is on a hard surface, it should be accurate. I've been using it on a carpet. This is a problem, but only if you are not using the extensions that came with the Fit. I have been using them. So...if I'm using the extensions on a carpet, it should be accurate, yet there is a huge difference from the scale and the Fit now. So what's going on? Which one is right?

If you think like me, then you would research the accuracy of digital scales next. I was always under the impression that because a scale is digital, it is probably more accurate. This isn't actually the case. I've never actually tried it, but if you weigh yourself on a digital scale three times in a row, it wouldn't be unusual for there to be a 3 pound difference. Even though it balances before you step on, shifting your weight and standing on it oddly or on a surface that isn't completely flat can mess up the scale. Dial scales are actually much more accurate, but nothing beats the scale at the doctor.

So...now I've learned that both can be inaccurate, but one can be scarily accurate, so which one do I believe? Well right now I'm not going to worry about it. The measurement around the waist is actually more important than the weight. Next time I weigh myself on the Fit I'm going to bring a board up to put it on so it's on a flat surface. This should take care of any problems. I'm also going to find our dial scale and weigh myself on there, and compare the three of them, so there will be another blog about this hopefully within the next week. :) Eventually I'll also blog about my weight loss progress and what I'm doing to lose weight.

Oh, and for anyone wondering, the BMI from the Fit is only accurate for the average person. It calculates the BMI from your height and weight. So someone who is 5'5" and 200lbs due to fat vs. someone who is 5'5" and 200lbs due to muscle will both have the same BMI from the Fit because it doesn't take into account your body type. If you are the average person and not some super athlete, it should be fairly accurate.

Poems: Goodnight & Mowing the Lawn

2009-06-10T23:19:00.004-05:00

So I went to sit out on our front step this evening, sipped on a vodka cranberry listening to some music and watching the sun set (or what I could see of it) while I wrote some poems. The first few were kind of angry poems. This one is more...happy, so I'm sharing this one. haha It's shorter than I'd like though, so...I consider this to be unfinished.

"Goodnight"
A cloudy day.
The sun sets between the branches,
kissing each leaf goodnight.
The rabbit hops through emeralds,
to her domain where
she says her prayers
and goodnight.
The moon peaks up
from behind the roof of the house
where mama and papa
tuck Jimmy in
and wish him a
goodnight.

And since that was way shorter than I was thinking it would be, here is another more...fun poem.

"Mowing the Lawn"
Back and forth
Back and forth
Left and right
Side to side
Diagonal
Criss-cross
Right angle
Up and down
Side by side
Go around
Curveways
Sideways
Slantways
Mow the lawn
so short it stays.

Old Poem #1

2009-06-08T18:08:00.003-05:00

And now, for something completely different!

This is a poem I wrote...two years ago. Almost. It's untitled in my journal. I was thinking of titling it "The Beast". I haven't edited it at all from when I wrote it (other than adding two words).

Again, I am a lost cause.
I can feel your disappointment linger over my shoulder.
It is cold, cruel and heartless.
Its leathery wings beat the backside of my head.
Again, I have failed,
and already I can anticipate my worthlessness to you. To it.
It stares me down until I coward into a corner,
crying until I can not breathe,
and no intelligible word can be uttered by my mouth.
Again, I will try,
even with failure in the back of my mind.
I starve for perfection.
Success.
Because of the disappointment I fear
I can not quit.
I will not quit.
I will face the beast
and take its beating
until it is pleased by my achievements.

Cubicle

2009-06-07T21:38:00.004-05:00

I am told I have to write a poem about a cubicle and it has to be done today. Amanda is ordering me to do this, but this is mostly my fault because I think I may have been the one to suggest we both write a poem about cubicles and post them on our blogs. Being that I don't feel like writing it right how, it's probably going to suck. Although I'm not sure how great of a poem I could write about a cubicle anyway.

Cube-
icle.
You are
so fickle.
Furry walls,
that tickle,
provide space
to stickle
uninterrupted,
therefore ideas trickle.
A penny for my thoughts,
or maybe a nickel.
Damn,
I love dill pickle.
And you too,
cube-icle.

There. That is my poem about a cubicle. Viola!

101 Update

2009-05-31T14:42:00.010-05:00

So since I made my 101 things list, I've actually started working on some of those things and accomplished others. Too bad I'm feeling so lazy today or I could really get started on some writing or something. Perhaps I'll go sit outside and write for awhile once I finish this entry.

On Friday, my friend Amanda came over and we made some pizza and watched Fargo. I didn't know anything about the movie beforehand other than there would be some heavy Minnesotan accents. Overall I liked the movie (can't believe it's already 13 years old!) but found the accents annoying. NO ONE that lives in Minneapolis speaks with such a heavy accent. NO ONE. There are people in the more northern areas of Minnesota that talk like that, but even there it's not as prevalent. They definitely went a little over board on the accent. Also, Amanda and I could not figure our why the movie was even called Fargo when it all occurred in Minnesota. The only time Fargo was involved was in the beginning. Apparently Brainerd just didn't have the same ring to it? According to Wikipedia, the Coen brothers didn't think so. (also read the section above that--it's also kind of interesting) Anyway, point of this whole story was that this was one of the things on Amanda's list, so this completed #3 on my list (although I still would like to help/be a part of things from people's lists!).

I am also in the process of learning new songs for the piano (more on that later) and today I started memorizing a piece (#24). I actually feel like I'm kind of cheating, but...it's my list and I say this qualifies. I actually had this piece memorized at one point in my life when I was taking piano lessons. I had to memorize it for a recital. The piece is Rhapsodie by Maxwell Eckstein and it's 5 pages long. The first page is fairly simple and repeats some, so I'm already about halfway through the second page. It's a little shaky and slow with a few wrong notes here and there (or some peaking), but for only playing for about 30-40 minutes today, I'd say that's pretty good. It's frustrating though because my memory sucks. There is also a very difficult section in here that I have a hard time playing looking, so I'm not looking forward to memorizing that. I can't believe I actually memorized this whole thing at one time. It is one of my favorite pieces to play though, so I guess that probably made it easier. Once I have it completely memorized, I will set up a camera, record it and post it on here. Also, while learning the new music, I realized I've sort of forgotten how to read music, which...sucks. So the learning new music thing is going kind of slow. I will get it eventually though. It's just taking some counting, math and penciling in on the music. I just have very little patience when it comes to music. I just want to be able to play it on the first try perfectly and at the right tempo.

As for the rest of the list, I hope to start working on my scrapbooking sometime this week after work. I'm also thinking about going grocery shopping for my mom later this week if she still hasn't gone. Maybe I will start thinking about which collection of mine to purge. I feel like getting rid of one right now would really help release some sort of...something and make me relax a little, if that makes ANY sense.

101 Things in 1001 Days

2009-05-26T22:41:00.006-05:00

So my friend Amanda started doing this 101 Things in 1001 Days thing, and she convinced me to do it too. Coming up with the list was a lot of fun and I'm actually really excited to start working on some of that stuff while other stuff will be pretty difficult. So here is my list! I'll be using my blog to keep track of my progress. None of the sections are in any particular order. This is just the way they randomly ended up after I finished my list and organized it into different categories.

Start Date: May 26, 2009
Finish Date: February 21, 2012

In progress
Completed

Related to the list
1. Finish this list
2. Get two other people to make a 101 things list (1/2)
3. Complete something from someone else’s list with them

Arts and Crafts
4. Write and complete a short story, a minimum of 10 pages (0/10)
5. Finish my Odd Thomas screenplay (20/67)
6. Revise Odd Thomas screenplay, try to sell it (0/2)
7. Finish my miniature Egyptian room
8. [Finish] knitting a scarf
9. Learn to crochet
10. Sew a skirt and wear it
11. Write 20 poems (0/20)
12. Watch 5 foreign films (0/5)
13. Watch 5 classic films (1/5)
14. Watch all the movies in my Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton collection
15. Read 10 books from my bookshelf (0/10)
16. Start an original screenplay, finish the first act
17. Paint, something, anything (preferably with Amber)
18. Finish my study abroad scrapbook
19. Take someone’s portrait

Music
20. Learn to play two songs on the domra (0/2)
21. Learn to play 4 new songs on the piano (3/4)
22. Write a classical song for piano
23. Write a song complete with lyrics
24. Learn to play 4 songs on piano by heart (1/4)
25. See Michael Buble in concert

Relationships
26. Make a new friend
27. Talk to a stranger (1/6)
28. Compliment a stranger (0/10)
29. Take my parents out to dinner
30. Visit the office 4 times (0/4)
31. Organize a family game night
32. Send professors an email just to keep in touch (0/2)
33. Initiate a conversation with a guy I’m attracted to
34. Spend a day out doing something with each of my parents individually
35. Tell someone I have feelings for how I honestly feel face to face
36. Try locate my first grade teacher, write her a letter or visit her
37. If presented the chance, fall in love and don’t be afraid to do so
38. Write my piano teacher
39. Send four people I care about a card in the mail (0/4)
40. Go grocery shopping for my mom (0/3)
41. Help mom clean out laundry room and sewing room (0/2)
42. Tell my parents I love them when they don’t expect it (0/2)
43. Tell someone else I love them

Work and Career
44. Set up at a craft show
45. Sell a piece of jewelry over $50
46. Make a short video, 4-6 minutes in length
47. Make a music video
48. Build a website for my film business
49. Get a job
50. Get an internship
51. Sell four things on Etsy (0/4)
52. Get a job from my independent business

Purchases
53. Buy a car
54. Buy 4 handmade items from Etsy (0/4)
55. Buy a Canon XL1S
56. Buy 5 “just because I can” gifts (0/5)

Challenges and Learning
57. Learn to cook something new (0/4)
58. Take a dance lesson/class
59. Relearn sign language
60. Learn to kill a spider myself
61. Learn to use my telescope, use it three times a year (0/9)
62. Learn how to make things out of glass
63. Go an entire day without internet
64. Go a week without logging in to AIM
65. Take a class at the community college just because the content interests me

Travel and Adventure
66. Go to Canada
67. Go on a road trip to see a Twins game
68. Go on a scenic drive
69. Go to Chicago
70. Go on 4 photo adventures (0/4)
71. Go to the zoo
72. Spend nearly an entire day near a body of water
73. Visit my grandparents grave
74. Go to the Renaissance Festival in costume
75. Rent a paddle boat at Lake Calhoun
76. Walk around Lake Calhoun
77. Go for a late night drive

Self Betterment
78. Volunteer somewhere four times (0/4)
79. Lose 30 pounds (16.5/30)
80. Stop a bad habit
81. Attend church with my dad when it’s not a holiday nine times (0/9)
82. Write about my religious beliefs
83. Go for a run
84. Make a list of things I’ve accomplished that I never thought I would
85. Try four new restaurants (0/4)
86. Move out of my parents’ house
87. Sing karaoke in public
88. Purge myself of one of my random collections

Misc.
89. Fill my penny jar and bring it to the bank
90. Put an “out there” color in my hair, permanently
91. Get my ears double pierced
92. Cancel my tanning account
93. Dance in the rain
94. Lay out and look at the stars
95. Have a picnic at a park
96. Concoct my own alcoholic beverage
97. Meet someone famous, get a photo or autograph
98. Play volleyball
99. Bowl a game over 230
100. Party country style
101. Go to a community event

Positivities

2009-05-20T19:04:00.002-05:00

I decided to make a list of 10 positive things about myself so when I'm feeling down, I can look at it and hopefully it'll cheer me up!

1. My left eye is pretty fricken cool if I say so myself. 1/3 is dark brown and the other 2/3 is light brown. I think it's funny when people finally notice it. They're like "OMG! Your eye!!!"

2. I'm good at playing piano. Or I was. I took lessons for like...seven or so years. I'm trying to get better again--I actually really miss playing. Someday I'd like to try write a song.

3. I'm a good screenwriter. I've never considered myself to be a superior writer, but I've always been told my poems, stories, etc. are good and that I should continue writing. My first grade teacher always said that she wouldn't be surprised to see a book with my name on it someday. Maybe she almost had it--it'll be a movie with my name on it. :)

4. I like to organize. I don't see how this could be a bad thing! I love going through stuff and organizing.

5. I could build a basic website from scratch if I wanted to. I don't know that this is something the average person can do. I used to pride myself on my HTML knowledge, but having gone 4+ years without doing any webmaking, I've also forgotten a lot.

6. Sir Mix A Lot likes big butts and I like mine.

7. My teeth aren't straight. Ok, normally people don't like when their teeth aren't straight, but I don't care. It doesn't bother me, and they aren't even that bad! I don't need braces!!!

8. I like to work out. Granted I haven't gotten into working out all that much lately, but I love working out. There is nothing better than finishing a working gasping for air and dripping sweat from the end of your hair.

9. I get shit done. In other words, I'm a workaholic. Granted, this can be a bad thing because I finish everything and then have to sit around bored, but overall I think it's a good thing. Better than not doing work at work, right?

10. I can/could play 4 instruments, and this summer I'm going to try a 5th. Eventually there will probably be a 6th.

Making a list of 10 things was kind of hard. I feel like some of the things on the list are kind of lame, but whatever. Maybe I'll revise it someday and make it better. Next on my list of things to do, make a list of things I've accomplished (it was hard not to include those things in this list).

Hello Real World

2009-05-07T19:18:00.002-05:00

So it's been awhile since I last blogged. Nothing much has changed other than I graduated. I am now "officially" part of the real world. I would think officially being in the real world would include a job, but it seems things have changed. Being unemployed seems to be the real world of today. Lucky for me, I am employed until at least the end of August. Oh, and I'm still considered a dependent so I'm ok thus far!

There is nothing much else to update on atm other than my future plans here. I will probably start another blog, one to keep "personal" things in (which will be this one) and one for my crafty stuff. This weekend I'm planning on moving stuff from one etsy account to another. Should be fun. I will also be making one of those 101 lists at some point. Probably not for another week or so until I actually get settled in. I've been doing a lot of cleaning and stuff around the house. Other etsy plans involve offering my graphic skillz (yo) as well. Anything that brings in money man.

Oh, and a week from this Saturday we're going to have a garage sale. Wish us luck! I'm hoping with the bad economy more people are garage saling to save money. I'm going to set up some of my jewelry too, see if any of that will sell, or at least hand out some business cards.

I Apologize

2009-03-27T16:26:00.002-05:00

I apologize for my lack of existence when it comes to blogs.

Reasons for my disappearance:
1. No time - too much school!
2. Nothing to say - I haven't crafted in awhile :(
3. Too lazy - even if I had anything to say, I'm too lazy to come update my blog

Yea, that's pretty much it. After graduation I plan to update more. Get excited!!!

Why yes, yes I did.

2008-12-01T22:36:00.002-06:00

I know people are wondering "Did she, or didn't she?!" I bet you even had trouble sleeping at night wondering to yourself! Well, the moment you've all been waiting for has arrived. You will get the answers to all your questions!

Q: Did I go shopping on Black Friday?
A: Yes, yes I did. Well sort of. I didn't go to Target until about 3:30, so I don't know if that really counts. I bought some really cool stuff for my kids though (maybe I'll take a picture tomorrow), and I bought some dvds for me (Juno, Office Space, Lucky # Slevin, House seasons 2 & 3), some pajamas, socks, and shampoo. I also went to Michael's and got a latch hook kit. I'm afraid that's all the shopping I did on Friday. Target wasn't even all that bad. I guess I have this picture of crazed women running around pushing each other over for the entire day, not just the first like...hour. Speaking of, did you all hear about that one Walmart worker (I think it was Walmart) that was trampled over until they died? I forget where it was, somewhere on the east coast though. It's ridiculous that stuff like that happens, that getting the deal on a tv or something is more important than stopping to help someone up.

Q: Will you be doing a documentary on your uncle?
A: Possibly. We are still in the negotiating phase.

Q: Did you put up the Christmas tree this weekend?
A: Why yes, we did! And what a tree it is! I tried to decorate it, but I didn't have nearly enough ornaments of my own to fill it, so I left the rest for my mom and dad to do. Why should I have to do all the work?! Oh, and there's already two presents under the tree. :)

Q: What are you up to now?!
Well I must say, I lead a very exciting life. This is the second to last week of the semester, so things are pretty crazy! Although I'll be glad when it's all done. I have videos to edit and things to proof read and a Powerpoint to finish. I also have bell ringing and meetings and parties and dinners. So much to do, so very little time!!! Finals probably will NOT be very fun, as I think I will have three in one day, Monday (this is my thinking without looking at the schedule, so let's hope I'm wrong, or I may very well go insane and/or have a minor heart attack from stress).

I kind of like this question and answer format. Maybe I'll just do this from now on!

New Necklaces!

2008-11-26T21:40:00.008-06:00

You wanted pictures, and you got pictures! That's right folks, you are getting a preview of some of the items soon to come to my etsy shop! Woo! I actually made these two necklaces a couple weeks ago, and the very last picture here is one that I started, and will probably be working on tomorrow at my aunt and uncle's upon finishing my Thanksgiving lunch. Woo! I might actually start working on it tonight yet. We shall see!

I was talking to my mom earlier, and apparently she almost bought a computer. Then she was asking me about Macs, so I was looking that up, and then began building my dream computer for work. That was fun for about 5 minutes until I realized how much that was going to cost me. Buying all the equipment for my film business is going to wipe out my savings. Yikes! I could always ask my parents for a car for Christmas, and when they say no, say I'll settle for a new computer. ;)

Anyway, tomorrow we are going to my aunt and uncle's for Thanksgiving. I told Gabby how my uncle does most (or maybe even all) the cooking for Thanksgiving, and she thought that was really cute and proceeded to tell me I should do a documentary on him since like 5% of households have the male cooking (according to her anyway). I guess later in the day we may be going to my other aunt and uncle's house for dessert, even though they said they won't be having much for dessert...so I think we're bringing some...? Yea, clearly I don't know what exactly is going on.

I'm debating about whether or not I want to go shopping on Friday. Kohl's looks like it's going to have some awesome deals, and I just got a Kohl's card, so that could be reeeeaaaal fun. On the other hand, there will be plenty of stupid and annoying people, and I already don't like people, so this could turn out to be really bad. I've only gone out one time on Black Friday, and for that we just went to Joann's I think, and we stayed in the bead section (we were basically alone there) so...it wasn't all that bad. My roommate did this thing where she has all these kids' names and what they want for Christmas, and I picked two kids to buy stuff for, and I could really get a lot of stuff for them if I go out Friday...that's another thing that kind of makes me want to go out Friday morning. And really...they have toys and stuff like that at Kohl's...so...two (or three) birds with one stone, right? I don't know, I guess we'll see how I feel about it tomorrow night!

Anyway, I clearly don't blog that often, so I definitely won't be blogging tomorrow, so I'll wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving now! :)

Seriously Slacking!

2008-11-21T00:40:00.001-06:00

Man, I feel like I'm seriously slacking! I haven't been checking on my blog very much at all (not that anyone really comments on it) or checked on anyone else's. I've just been so busy, and there's really not a whole lot in the crafting world for me to write about. I did, however, receive all those beads I ordered, and I already made a couple new necklaces and have a third planned out. Hopefully this weekend I'll have time again to work on the third, and hopefully I can take pictures to post too.

So I guess this post was really just to let you know I'm still alive and crafting here and there, so don't worry! :)

Christmas Fair!

2008-11-08T16:24:00.002-06:00

So I thought I should update with some rather good news. Last weekend I set up at the Christmas fair at my dad's church to try sell some of my jewelry. I ended up selling a couple necklaces, a bracelet, and eight pairs of earrings! That was a total of $125 or something like that, and the table was $25. I don't think that's too bad for my first time. People kept telling me how beautiful my jewelry was though. One woman actually asked if she got a brooch if I'd be able to make a necklace out of it for her for her wedding, and another woman asked if I do jewelry parties. Overall I thought it went pretty well and it was fun. I just wish I would have gotten a picture! I had my camera with and just forgot all about it! :( Oh well.

In other news, I already spent all that money I made, and then some! I went shopping with my mom today. We went to JCPenny and Kohl's, and we have yet to hit Target and JoAnn's. AND I still need a haircut! I think this is the most productive Saturday I've had in awhile! haha I will take pictures of my goodies later to share with you all.

Oh, and how fitting--the day I write about the Christmas fair, it's snowing out!

Get out and VOTE!!!

2008-11-04T12:21:00.002-06:00

As you're probably well aware, today is election day, so get out there and vote! Make your voice heard!

I am so sick of people who just don't care or don't want to go vote. I guess I just don't understand the logic behind that. After all the things people went through to give you the right to vote, you're just going to toss it aside like it doesn't matter? There is no excuse. I'm not even a political person, but I know how important it is to vote. Do you have no opinion on ANYTHING? I've heard people say things like "Why should I care?" Are you KIDDING ME?! There are PLENTY of reasons you should care! I've also heard people say that one vote doesn't make a difference. I can bet you that at least 3 out of every 10 people think that. That's 30%. If 30% of people didn't vote because they didn't think their vote wouldn't make a difference, that definitely affects the outcome of the election. If all those people voted, the election could take a completely different turn. I've also heard the excuse that people don't like either candidate or they "piss them off". Then turn off the tv, stop watching all the political bs, and just look up where each candidate stands on three issues that are important to you, and base your vote on that. I admit, when I was old enough to vote, I was really confused because I didn't agree with everything one candidate said. I don't know why I thought I had to agree with all if it, but that's why you just have to choose three issues and see where they stand. There's no way you're going to agree with anyone on everything. I know some people also don't want to vote because it takes too long and they don't want to stand in line. I don't really have a solution to that, other than to go during a time you might think will be less busy, but really. If you aren't voting today, what the heck ARE you doing?

I just get upset when I hear people bitch about voting and wondering why they should care. I think some people forget that years ago, they had to fight for the right to vote, and because of that, we also have the right to vote.

Quick Update

2008-10-27T00:49:00.002-05:00

Last weekend I started working on a necklace to sell (the one pictured to the left) and by the time I was done, I decided that I liked it so much that I couldn't do that. I hate when that happens! Usually I'm able to part with them, but there are a few that I just can't let go.

I'm also beginning to rethink this whole jewelry business thing. It wasn't something I was going to take real seriously, but now that I'm at school, I seem to have lost my passion for it. I think part of it is that I just need more actual stones and stuff to make some really NICE things, not so many cheaper things. It's turned into "finish as much as I can to sell them" sort of a thing, rather than trying to create some really cool pieces. Those really cool pieces just take a lot longer to make.

Anyway, the Christmas fair is next weekend, and I'm beginning to stress out about it already. Just the fact that I've never set up before and don't really know a whole lot of what to expect. I still have to buy some bags and stuff for if I sell things. I just hope I actually sell some stuff. That'd be really disappointing if I don't sell much of anything. Part of my worries stem from not knowing what some of the materials are that I made these necklaces and things with, and I'm afraid someone will ask. And then what? "Oh, I don't know what that is." That's going to sound terrible! And be really bad for business.

With school and working and all this other stuff, it's starting to get to me. I'm just not used to being so busy and having so many things to deal with, so I'm starting to get a little stressed and stuff. I just really need to start using my agenda. I have it but I never use it. That would really help me keep track of things.

Anyway, so that's what I've been up to lately!

Clothes for sale on eBay!!!

2008-10-18T22:18:00.002-05:00

Kind of random, but I have some clothes for sale on eBay right now. Check them out by clicking here!

New Shop and Project Wonderful

2008-10-15T21:54:00.004-05:00

Just thought I'd point out that I've added a Project Wonderful advertising section on the right side of my blog, so if you have an account, feel free to bid, bid, bid! And while I'm at it, here are some of the items that can be found in my new shop on etsy, Joyas Bellas.

Etsy: Your place to buy & sell all things handmade
joyasbellas.etsy.com

48 Hour Film/Theater Festival

2008-10-12T22:59:00.002-05:00

So no new crafty news (other than I sold a necklace on Etsy, yay!), but hopefully there will be some soon! I seriously need to make some earrings for this show I'm going to do!

This weekend, there was a 48 Hour Film/Theater Festival at my school. Normally I don't sign up to do that kind of stuff, but I actually ended up signing up at the last minute. I'm glad I did, even though I spent 8 hours yesterday following my crew around just writing the shot order down. I got to be the editor though. So that was nice. I worked my wonders and the video turned out pretty cool. Got some good laughs. A few people told me I did a good job, which felt really nice to get complimented on that since it's something I love doing. I feel like when people watch movies/tv, they don't really notice the editing. Well...I guess what I REALLY mean is who the person is that DID the editing. I feel like it's much more about the stars and the director. No one remembers the name of the editor. Anyway, I'm glad I did it and went to the actual festival, even though no one went with me!

Oh, I'm also going to be part of a production company on campus. My prof is starting one and asked me to partake in it, so I'm going to be doing that now too. Should be fun. Plus I get paid (woo!). That will be really nice considering I don't actually have a job while at school. But I will now! Mwahaha!!! It will also be really nice to get that experience too. We'll primarily be shooting events on campus I think for starting out, and that's what I want to do when I graduate with my own business (videographer for weddings), so this will all come in handy. I also recently talked to my cousin who does wedding photography, and she's going to make a package that includes video and have me do it. I'd get $500 per wedding. I guess my other cousin who is doing DJing stuff also wants to be included. Awhile ago my cousin (who does the photography) and one of my other cousins were joking about how our family could take over doing a wedding with the one doing photography, me doing video and jewelry, and our mom's could make the wedding gowns and stuff. And now we'd have a DJ too! You could practically take care of the wedding all in one spot!

Anyway, that's all the news I've got for now.

Slacking

2008-10-01T23:42:00.003-05:00

Man, I am really slacking on the crafting front. I have yet to call someone about a craft show in November (and get a tax id number). There is a Christmas Fair thing at my dad's church that I'm going to set up at. The table costs $25 though...so...hopefully I do well. :\ I wish I had more time to bead. Actually, I take that back. I probably have plenty of time to bead, but waste it doing other pointless stuff (or homework). Part of it is I don't have much space here at school. My desk is VERY small, so when I'm done beading, everything basically has to go right back away, and I have so much stuff, that's really a chore. I really need to bring a folding table to school so there's somewhere for it to just sit out for a few days at a time or something so I can actually accomplish something.

In other news, I'm trying to start working out more often. I've worked out the last three days doing cardio and weights. Hopefully we'll see some changes soon(ish). I'm going to try stop drinking so much pop and coffee too because...I drink a LOT.

My first Treasury!

2008-09-27T19:17:00.001-05:00

I got my first Etsy Treasury! Check it out!

Busy Bee

2008-09-27T17:33:00.003-05:00

That's me! Unfortunately it's just with school work and being sick, nothing to do with being crafty. I'm at school for the weekend, so maybe I can actually get something done though. Add some stuff to Etsy or something. Make some earrings. I have a lot of homework though, and I'm going to the Twins game tomorrow, so I won't be able to do much homework tomorrow.

I ordered a messenger bag on Etsy a couple weeks ago from xcressrize, and it was mailed out today. I can't wait to start using it. I'm so sick of my backpack! Plus this one is way prettier than my backpack. I hope it gets here soon! I also won a jean jacket on ebay ealier last week, so I can't wait to get that either! I <3 getting packages in the mail.

In other news, KAUG (my school's radio station) is putting on a Halloween dance fo sho. And I'm really excited. It's going to be awwwesoooome. And Gabby and I have our radio show on Wednesday's from 3-4. You can listen online at http://www.augsburg.edu/kaug.

RIP

2008-09-22T22:28:00.005-05:00

Tonight a boy that attended my school was shot as he was leaving a center where he was doing volunteer tutoring. It was his first day volunteering and was shot as he left the building. The center is about 6 blocks away from our campus.

I was on my way to the bookstore when it happened. After that I went to class with the intent to leave halfway through to go to our homecoming coronation and fireworks. I was supposed to meet my roommate at 7:15. I thought I'd have a break by then, but class was going long. I texted my roommate to remind her to meet me, and she called me after. I couldn't answer, being that I was in class, so I texted her saying that. Then I asked if we were still meeting since she tried calling me. I don't remember what she said after that, but then I asked her if I should leave class or not, because I wouldn't be leaving during a break. I'd have to just get up during class and leave. She told me to leave class to call her because something happened. I instantly think of my other roommates or their cousin, and our other friends. I got up and went to call her. She said she wasn't sure if coronation was still going to happen or not because one of our students was shot as he was leaving the center. I couldn't believe it. She told me he was 21, so we figured we probably knew him, or knew of him, because we go to a small school and know most of the people in our year. I told her I'd call her when we got a break and I would just leave class whether coronation was happening or not.

About 15 minutes later we got a break, so I packed up my things and left. I met my roommate and one of my other friends in the quad and we rushed over to the gym for coronation. It already started by the time we got there, so we just stayed in the hallway and looked in through the doors and windows. It was weird to have people having such a great time when one of our fellow students was murdered, although most people didn't know about the shooting at the time. Not knowing why the student was shot, it was eery walking around campus. The killer was still on the loose (and still is), so it was scary to think the killer could be on our campus. Even though I was enjoying the coronation, I couldn't help but think about how one day you could be going about your own business, and all the sudden just get shot. Not even see it coming. I hope for this boy that he didn't see it coming and that it was a quick and as painless as possible. But just to think that suddenly everything could end. I wish things like this didn't happen, but of course they always will.

Etsy Favorite Things Post #4 (Canvas art)

2008-09-21T14:41:00.006-05:00

I think an Etsy Favorite Things post is long overdue, so today I'm featuring this beautiful piece by wallexpress. It's hard for me to choose a favorite from her shop, because there are a few in there that I absolutely love, but if I had to pick just one, this would definitely be it. If I had $55 and somewhere worthy to hang it, I'd buy it in a heartbeat. I love the metallic feel her pieces have, and the colors and all the textures. It's very beautiful and unique. I've seen stuff similar to her work, but nothing quite like hers. I'm definitely putting this one on my Christmas list! If you're looking for some really cool and unique canvas work, take a look at her shop!

Trading Spaces

2008-09-13T18:39:00.003-05:00

So earlier this week I began the annoying process of switching my jewelry to a different username on Etsy. I wish there was an easier way. For now I'm just transferring the more expensive items to joyasbellas and leaving the cheaper things on therandomsinger for now. Hopefully people will just buy the cheaper things so eventually the shop will be more empty. New items will also be added to joyasbellas from now on. I've got some new stuff sitting around just waiting to be put up. I just haven't had a lot of time since I'm at school now. I'm still getting used to my new schedule. Hopefully this week I'll be able to add some new stuff! I will definitely keep you posted. ;)

For other crafty news, I'm going to sew tonight. Or attempt to sew anyway. Nothing special. Just a table cloth for my dresser at school. It's going to be tricky though, so we'll see. Hopefully it turns out decent! I got some really pretty fabric/lace for it. I'm pretty pumped! I might make another one for my small table too if I have enough fabric left.

I won a sculpture from auction at the Art Institute that I had some of my jewelry in. I should be getting that tonight. I'll take a pic of that for you all to see too!

[edit] Since posting this, I've finished my table cloth AND I've sewn two "business card holders", although by the time I finished sewing them, they were too small to hold business cards. So...I'm using one to hold my tanning "goggles" because I broke the container they came in. Although now I feel like I could actually make some NICE business card holders, because the two I made were kind of crappy and just trial runs. So tomorrow will be a day full of sewing business card holders. I may have another business in the works. ;) I also thought about making more of the smaller ones for the tanning goggles and seeing if the place I go tanning would sell them there if I made some good quality ones.

Oh, and apparently my mom bought a new sewing machine a year or two ago. Um...this would have been nice to know, oh, I don't know, a year or two ago!!! It's SO nice and easy to work with. I love it. It does some minimal embroidery sort of stuff too. I might try that out tomorrow afternoon. It's all high tech and has a computer screen and everything. I love it! I may have another hobby here! haha I have a bunch of fabric that I'd really like to try make a shirt out of for me someday too. We shall see! Oh, and there's this nifty little light that shines on the needle and that area so you can see where you're sewing and stuff. It's great. I love the new sewing machine. *hugs it* We shall become very close, as long as it continues to behave nicely. :) [/edit]

I Made My First Sale!

2008-09-08T00:27:00.004-05:00

So I just wanted to make it a point that I finally made my first sale on Etsy! I took a picture of the boxes before I packaged them but...I'm afraid the picture is on my desktop at home, and I'm at school. So...photo will come later.

I thought I'd also mention that I was elected to be the next president of the radio station on my campus tonight. It's all very exciting, but kind of scary too. I've always been more of a follower rather than a leader, but I think this year will turn out to be really fun (as long as we all get along) and I'm excited (but scared too).

I think I'm going to turn the computer off soon and just watch The Day After Tomorrow and try to fall asleep. :)

Etsy Favorite Things Post #3 (Coffee Cozy)

2008-09-04T19:45:00.003-05:00

So I think the next Etsy Favorite Things post is loooong overdue. So for this entry, I'm going to feature this super cute coffee cozy from itybitybags. I haven't seen many coffee cozies on Etsy that have these super cute appliques on them. And these can also double as a cuff if you want to wear them! There's some other really cute designs in her shop if you take a look, as well as other products such as pouches, plushies and camera cases!

Back to school!

2008-09-02T19:25:00.002-05:00

So just a quick update since I haven't blogged in awhile. For anyone who is interested, I'm all moved in back at school (with all jewelry making supplies at hand, of course) and bought my textbooks today. Four books for $304. THAT is RIDICULOUS! I was expecting them to be $200 or less. I can't even remember the last time I spent that much on textbooks for a semester. And I really only have three classes this semester (one class is a senior class thing where we kind of put our whole education together and figure out what we're doing with our lives or something so there's not really a book for that class). Classes start tomorrow. I have Intro to Cinema Arts and Intro to Philosophy. I'm actually kind of glad classes start tomorrow. Today has been kind of bum day. Maybe I'll even have time to do some beading tomorrow!

But that's it for now. Nothing else to really report on. Hopefully I'll have some new jewelry and stuff up soon!

I've been featured in a Treasury!

2008-08-27T18:02:00.003-05:00

I was notified by Etsy convo to day that I've been featured in an Etsy Treasury! I'm so excited! Here's the treasury! Thank you cynmb for being kind enough to feature me! :)

Blog Giveaway

2008-08-25T19:57:00.002-05:00

I decided to participate in a blog giveaway because I'm oh-so-awesome. :) You can find it here.

Crafting and Expanding Fashion Horizons

2008-08-25T17:52:00.006-05:00

For those of you who think I've done a whole lot of nothing since I last blogged, consider yourselves mistaken! That's right, I HAVE been productive whether you believe me or not!

I was going to blog about my time up at my aunt and uncle's farm last week, but...I never got around to it (obviously). I'll save that for a different entry I suppose, or this one will be way too long. So I'll start with this weekend instead. Friday night I went to school and organized some thing in my room, put some things together, had a few beers, you know, typical night at school (at least until the glow sticks came out and the lights went off). At one point this weekend I was going to put up these string lights that I got with lanterny things on them. While taking them out of the box, I managed to cut a chunk of the tip of my finger off (see blurry picture). At first I didn't even know I cut myself, and then it began bleeding, and continued to do so even after applying pressure for 30 minutes. Anyway, I have a nice valley in my finger *BATTLEWOUND!*.

I'll skip to the shopping part now. Yesterday I went shopping with my friend at Kohl's. We started in the juniors area (where we always shop) and found practically nothing. We finally decided to expand our fashion horizons and look in the misses area. Needless to say, it didn't take long before we both had handfuls of things and had to go to the dressing room. I think we both made about three trips to the fitting rooms. Anyway, I ended up getting a shirt, a sweater, two pairs of jeans, two pairs of shoes, some socks, and a super cute purple leathery (looking and feeling) clutch. All of that for $169 and some change. I didn't think that was too bad! The first pair of shoes pictured I remember seeing come back in "style" awhile ago. I remember thinking they were ugly and oh my god why would they bring THOSE hideous things back. Well...now it's a few years later, and here I am buying a pair. Each time I saw them over the years they grew on me more and more, but I always thought to myself "I have nothing to wear with them!" Well...turns out I thought they'd go perfect with the jeans I was buying, and the other day I was thinking about how bland and boring my wardrobe is, and I really want to spice it up. Change it a bit. Be a little more "fashionable". I also found these other brown shoes I really liked, but didn't want to buy two pairs of brown shoes. I didn't like them in black though so...what do I do? I just buy two pairs of brown shoes! I will wear these as a more day-to-day sort of thing.

Ok, so last, but not least, the craftiness. I found these big glass things for vase fillers at Target in a bag for like $3.99 and instantly thought they'd be good for making pendants. Well...gluing paper to the back and then cutting it off without making it look like crap is harder than it sounds. I was having lots of fun making them though, so I just kept going. Granted the cutting got better as I went along, I don't understand how some people make them look decent or "finish" them off. I will have to look for tutorials or something on the subject. Either way, they are way prettier now and they're fun to make. I bought some bails from Michael's to use on them, and I also bought some magnets, which I think I like doing better than pendants (some of you are probably asking yourselves what the difference is, but believe me, there is a difference!

I need to stop blogging so late at night...

2008-08-14T23:36:00.003-05:00

So I made a bit of a mess on the dining room table tonight. My parents went to some BBQ thing tonight, so I had to take care of the dogs. Well...Natasha wouldn't eat and so I ended up putting her in her kennel for awhile and I sat down there working on stuff hoping she'd eat, but since she was locked in her kennel she just laid down until I let her out. Anyway, I got quite a bit done, as you can...kind of see. I've started replacing the old price tags with the new price tags. I already ran out of the new ones though so I'm going to have to print more soon! I spent a good few hours working on this stuff though. As you can see in this second picture, I had my usual Cherry Coke to motivate me by my side. I'm not sure what it is, but I think the table cloth smells from being in storage or something, because anytime I sit down at this table to work, my allergies start to bother me. I swear this thing smells like my grandma's house, but I don't think it even came from there...and there's always stray pieces of cotton or something floating around that I seem to inhale or something, and you can imagine how fun that is for me. Picking floating strands of cotton off my tongue and from the tip of my nose...anyway, as you can see from the pictures there is a TON of jewelry to price and make price tags and stuff for. Not all of this is even up on Etsy yet. It's taking foreverrrr to get through all this. I won't get any more up until Sunday probably because tomorrow night my mom and I are going up to my aunt and uncle's farm and we won't be back until Saturday night. I still don't know what I'm going to work on while we're there though. I'll have to think about that at work tomorrow. I'm sure there will be plenty of thinking time tomorrow, just like there was yesterday and today. It seems there's always a lot of thinking time it at work. Oh, and I can't remember if I've mentioned it before in my blog, and I'm too tired/lazy to look, but I'm almost officially the president of my school's radio station. Our elected president sent out an email to all the exec board members so...they know what's goin down now. I'm excited, but I'm pretty nervous at the same time. I think that's reasonable considering the amount of responsibility and pressure that's on me now that this was sort of thrown at me not even a month before school starts. This year will be fun though. I'm really excited. :) And hopefully by next Monday night, a lot of our decorating will be complete so I can take pics of our apartment to post!

Etsy Favorite Things Post #2 (Terrarium!!!)

2008-08-13T15:02:00.004-05:00

Ok, I'm sorry, but I couldn't help myself. I have so many things that I've faved on Etsy right now, I was just too excited, I had to do another favorite things post right NOW! So, here is another one of my faaavorite things on Etsy. Madebymavis makes these super cute moss terrariums which require very little care! Even I can't mess them up! They only require watering once every 2-3 weeks and need to be in a brightly lit room. I think Madebymavis uses some very nice glass jars and things to make her terrariums. I did some searches for others (even though I knew I was going to purchase from Mavis) and they just weren't the same quality as the ones by Mavis! I saw these awhile ago on Etsy and loved them, but never bought one. Now that I'm moving in to my apartment at school soon, I decided it was time to get one! These will definitely bring some much needed life and color to the room. I bought a mini one, although I LOVE these large square ones. Maybe once I move in I'll buy another. ;) The one pictured here is the Illia terrarium. Take a look at Mavis' shop for more awesome terrariums!

Busy, busy, busy!

2008-08-12T23:33:00.006-05:00

I suddenly realized how much I have to do! August is quickly coming and going. Tomorrow night I'm going to hang with the roomies and organize and discuss roomie things. Thursday night as of now is open, but soon might be taken up by spending some time with Amber. I haven't seen her in a loooong time. Then Friday I guess I'm going up to my aunt and uncle's farm with my mom, and I think we're coming back Saturday, however, my friend Andria is having her bday party in St. Cloud that night, so hopefully on the way home from the farm I could just be dropped off at her place and then catch a ride home with one of my friends also going to the party that night. So not only do I have all these plans, but I also have to work. And remember to be doing my jewelry stuff. And make my displays. And call the lady about the flea market. And work on KAUG stuff. And work out. And eat and sleep somewhere in there too.

And because I can. Here is a pic of some of one of my favorite dispensers, the fat eared bunny. Look how cute they are! As you can see, I'm collecting a bunch of color varieties. Some of them are really pretty. :) My dad actually found the one with the light blue stem and yellow head (I think, either that or light blue stem and pink head) at a garage sale. It was in a box all dirty and stuff and only $.50! He cleaned it all up for me and gave it to me. :)

Maybe I'll bring my camera with me tomorrow night and take some pictures of our apartment that I'm so in love with to show you guys!

I am PEZ GIRL!!!

2008-08-11T18:45:00.005-05:00

That's right. I am a Pez collector. Laugh it up if you want, but I can't get enough of these things. Why? I don't know. They're cute. They're vintage. They're fun. They don't take up as much space as cameras. They are, however, very expensive. The newest price guide I think had a Pez valued at $10,000+. Yea, pretty crazy for a plastic candy dispenser. I would never spend that much on a dispenser (unless I won the lottery), but I will spend a couple hundred. My most expensive dispenser was $200 I think. And I have a few that are $100+. This is a photo of my most expensive ones.Someday I'll post some pics of my other favorite ones, but this is all you get for now! I'll leave you waiting in suspense! I'm also getting another dispenser (worth lots) for Christmas because I didn't have enough money to buy all the ones I wanted. I MUST be crazy if I would be fine with getting just that candy dispenser for Christmas and nothing else. Although, I hope that doesn't happen. haha

Tomorrow night I'm to be going to Ikea and getting some shelves and then organizing some stuff in my room! It promises to be fun times! I can't wait to organize everything. I want to get some purplish strung lights to hang in my room and put some of my posters and stuff up tomorrow night too. I'm having a hard time finding stuff that I can pack to bring right now. A lot of it I need until closer to the time I go back to school. I'm actually pretty excited to go back. I miss my friends and I'm going crazy at home. And our apartment is so awesome. This year is definitely going to be one amazing year. I can't wait. :) It's my last year too, so we better make it a good one!

Custom Price Tags!

2008-08-10T21:20:00.005-05:00

I hate to admit it, but I spent most of my day in front of the computer advertising for my Etsy shop and editing my blog. I had to do SOMETHING productive today, so I finally got around and made my custom price tags, and I must say, they turned out quite nice. They actually look kind of shitty in this picture now that I look at them. lol Trust me, they look MUCH better in person. Well...I think so anyway. They are still kind of thin though, so I might have to glue three pieces of paper together instead of just two. We'll see. Maybe I'll make more after I finish my displays. When I have those done all my stuff won't be stuck in a shoe box to carry around anymore so the tags won't bend (that's what I was worried about, the tags getting all bent up being in the box).

While rummaging around for some string in the laundry room where all our crafty stuff is, I found this box that had a latch hook kit in it. Well, it just so happened that I found the beginnings of the project in my closet earlier this week and tossed it in my garbage. Luckily I didn't take the garbage out yet, and it was mostly towards the top, so I took it out and I'm going to finish it. Only one problem, the latch hook wasn't in the box, and who knows where it might be downstairs. There happened to be another kit that hadn't been opened yet, so I opened it assuming there would be a latch hook in there. Nope. Nothing. So...now I have two kits, and no latch hook. Bummer. Guess I'll have to take a trip to Michael's or Joann's later this week...I was hoping to sell these things on Etsy once they're done. I don't know what you even do with them once they're finished!

Etsy Favorite Things #1

2008-08-10T15:25:00.004-05:00

I've decided I'm going to start doing some Etsy favorite things posts because I just thought it would be cool to feature some of these things in my blog and maybe help people get some more business. I'm not sure how often I'll do these, if it'll be every Sunday or just whenever I find something really cool.

Anyway, Etsy Favorite Things entry one is featuring an item from frostindri's shop. I don't remember how I found this item, but I thought it was really cool, and if I had the money and somewhere to put it, I'd totally buy one. This is a ceramic jelly fish hanging decoration. I think it'd look really cool if you had an underwater theme in your bathroom. frostindri also has some other really cool and unique things in her shop that she's made, so you should definitely check her out!

Trying New Things

2008-08-09T21:58:00.002-05:00

So tonight I decided to try making some new things from one of the beading magazines we bought a few weeks ago. I didn't like the complete project they did in the magazine, so I kind of turned it into my own about halfway through. I made these super cute earrings. I don't want to part with them, but I'll never wear them so I'll do it I suppose.

I also made this pendant. This was actually the first one I made. I didn't do earrings because 1. I was out of some of the beads, and 2. I didn't think I could make another one that looked just like it. After the first one I did another one (one of the earrings) and decided I might as well give duplicating it a go! It went pretty well. They aren't perfect of course, but it's only my first try. Anyway, this is the pendant! It's on a copper chain. I put some of the same beads throughout the chain too.

Now I'm off to try some more!

Etsy Revamping in Progess

2008-08-05T22:46:00.002-05:00

So after adding a bunch of items to Etsy with boring descriptions and titles, I've been going through and editing pretty much everything. I think I am about halfway through rewriting descriptions and coming up with tacky titles. Hopefully my sense of humor will catch potential customers' eyes? I know when I'm looking at things to buy, I'm more likely to buy it if the person selling it at least made an attempt to make the listing interesting and not be like "This wallet is made with felt and has a robot on it." and turn it more into a story or a conversation with the buyer. This is something I'm trying to work on. Or at least making my descriptions somewhat entertaining.

I still haven't made any sales, but while going through my stuff on there, I realized that some of the things I sold, I still had on Etsy! I swear I took them down, but obviously I didn't because they were still listed there, plain as day! So I deleted those and now I'm back down to 36 items for sale. I really hope someone buys something soon because I can't keep spending money on all these beads, and I really love doing this, whether I get to keep what I make or not. I just love working with beads and wire (wire wrapping).

I've been advertising left and right. I joined this thing called Project Wonderful where you can bid on advertising space on other people's websites. I've been trying to post in forums on Etsy a lot to at least get people to look at my shop. Also been using the "Next Blog" button and posting on some random blogs. I feel like that's kind of creepy actually, but whatever. I'm a creep. Get used to it. ;) Been buying things on Etsy too. That also doesn't help fill my wallet. lol

I've been getting quite a few comments from people saying I have some really beautiful work and whatnot, but...I just wish I could see that through my sales rather than just compliments. I like the compliments too, but I'd like some sales. ;)

Anyway, I'm almost done editing the things I have up for sale, and then I'll start adding new things. For now I'm just renewing the listings I have after I edit them to continue traffic flow to my shop.

Joyas Bellas Back to School Sale!!!

2008-08-03T14:20:00.002-05:00

***ETSY BACK TO SCHOOL SALE!!! Go back to school trendier than ever with a Joyas Bellas purchase! 15% off purchase of one item purchase, 20% of two item purchase, and 25% off three item purchase or more! (discount excludes shipping price)***

Prices listed are NOT the reduced price. This sale can end any time, so stock up on accessories now!

http://therandomsinger.etsy.com

Wish Me Luck

2008-08-03T00:26:00.003-05:00

On not spending money tomorrow, that is. I'm going to the flea market in the morning.

Somehow I managed to spend $113 at Bead Monkey today (yea right, spending $113 on beads is a piece of cake). Then another $22 at Michael's. Oh, and I also bought myself a bracelet today too. It's made with clay beads and is SUPER cool. AND it was only $5.36 (it was 50% off).

Also wish me luck on selling my jewelry. I really need to now. I know I say that every time I spend money on beads, but I really mean it this time. I MUST.

In other news, I randomly got poked on facebook by some guy. Yea, that's right. Some guy. I don't even know him. We don't even have any mutual friends. So I'm slightly creeped out. However, I will get over it. Don't worry about me. I'll be ok. (Too bad he wasn't cute...)

I'm watching that Lara Croft movie on ABC Family right now. Man I'm glad I didn't waste movie on seeing this movie. It's horrible!

How Bizarre, How Bizarre

2008-08-02T00:26:00.002-05:00

Normally I don't have any trouble grabbing some beads and wire and creating something.

Amanda came over tonight for our craft night. I was beading, as usual. I was having a really hard time making anything though. I think part of the reason for this is the lack of enough beads to actually make a necklace. I tried making some earrings, but that just wasn't working out. Finally I decided it was time for a beer. Perhaps that would get my creative juices flowing.

Well sure enough, shortly after opening the beer, I ended up deciding to do a wrap necklace. I managed to finish it tonight too. However, now I'm kind of wishing I would have just stuck to the earrings and making the ones I was doing, as boring as I think they are. I just don't know how to make earrings I guess. Well what I mean is, just not with a lot of beads to make them look really cool. Just simple earrings is as far as I can get.

Anyway, I have a ton of pendants on the way here, and tomorrow morning I'm going to the bead store with my aunt. If all else fails, I'll just have to go back to Michael's for the dollar days sale and cross my fingers that there are still $2 strands there. Otherwise I may be in trouble.

I also really have to start selling stuff. I'm spending way too much money on this stuff to not sell any of it.

Visions of things to come

2008-07-29T00:35:00.001-05:00

pink01
Originally uploaded by joyasbellas07

So the necklace, bracelet and earring set I made at my family beading gathering last week was quite a success at work. I want to make more but...I can't find the beads I used anymore. :( I will have to search online I suppose. I thought I would have an easy time parting with the set, but after wearing it to work, I don't know that I want to sell it (of course I will though). Here is a preview of what will soon be for sale.

Family Beading FunFest

2008-07-23T17:47:00.001-05:00

So...a couple years ago on Thanksgiving, I was at my aunt and uncle's house and my aunt pulled out some beads she had and a few necklaces and things she'd made.

When I was younger (like grade school) my friends and I used to make those little bead animals. I always liked beading, but stopped after awhile. When I saw all my aunt's beads and things, I got this urge to buy beads (many beads!) and just go at it. And that's what I did. I bought lots of beads, and I beaded many things.

After my aunt started beading, it wasn't long before there were several of her sisters beading, and their daughters as well. Usually when I go to bead with my mom, it's at my aunt's house with her daughter and my aunt's friend, so there's five of us.

Today I went to my cousin's house to bead with my family, and there were about 15 people there in total, although not everyone beaded (there were quite a few children running around). My family is very large, and most of them live up north (about a three hour drive) so I don't see them often. It was nice to get together and have us all share this one thing in common. It was lots of fun, and I talked to some of my cousins that I haven't talked to in years. We had sandwiches, salads, chips, and desserts. I taught three of my younger cousins how to make earrings, helped others pick out designs, or give my advice (even though it might not have been followed until later when realized my suggestion worked best ;)). It was tons of fun, and I'm glad I took the day off to do it. It was well worth the $58 (before taxes) I would have otherwise made at work today.

Oh, and besides all of that, I made a really pretty necklace, bracelet and earring set (which I will probably take pictures to post soon). :)

I <3 Etsy

2008-07-20T16:43:00.002-05:00

Today my mother told me she thinks I should stop spending so much money on beads and stuff. She didn't think that there was a good market for jewelry. She talked to my cousin today who did a show yesterday. My cousin paints. She did pretty well I guess, but her friend who did jewelry only sold a few items. My cousin also said there were lots of people there selling jewelry. I'm guessing this is why my mom began to think that I wouldn't sell my jewelry and that I should stop spending money. I literally took this to mean stop beading all together, even though I know that's not what she meant.

After this "discussion" with my mom, I immediately went to Etsy, telling people on the forums the event that had just occurred and asked for advice. Should I stop beading? Is she right?

Many people responded saying that if it's in my heart and it's what I like to do, then keep doing it! As long as I have a job to support myself and do this as like a side thing, they didn't see anything wrong with it. Especially if beading makes me happy. There were also some people that commented saying that they thought my work was beautiful, and that once the economy is back up I won't have any trouble selling it. They also gave me advice on where to sell stuff, how to keep focused, and to surround myself with positive, not negative, people.

I also posted on the critique forums asking if my prices were too high, expecting people to only answer that question. Usually I don't take critiques well at all, however, I have found that with jewelry, it's different for me. If someone doesn't like a piece I have, I'm not hurt by it. Instead I've found that I listen intently to what they, the buyer, would like. And then I make it. I might not like the piece as much as the buyer, but I still enjoy making it. The people that responded also gave me advice on how to fix up my shop, which I was grateful for, even though a lot of it was stuff I already knew.

Overall, I love the people on Etsy. They understand my need to be creative, and to make money. ;) They are friendly and willing to give advice when asked. Even though I'm very new to Etsy, they are welcoming of me and my probably stupid posts. ;)

In fact, I convoed a seller about the order I received. I was missing and item and one of the items I received I thought was incorrect. She promptly attempted to fix the situation and was very nice about the whole thing. And in between all that, we got a nice conversation going about travel and school. I soon realized how much I enjoyed the intimacy Etsy has with buyers and sellers compared to ebay. Ebay, I would NEVER have a conversation like that with a seller. Granted, it's not necessary, but it's nice to see the personality of the person you are buying from, not just the items and advertisements.

Not Enough Time!

2008-07-15T20:35:00.004-05:00

Usually I come up with my title before I blog, but in this case, I'm coming up with a blank, so the title can come later I suppose.

I feel like things are really busy right now, which...it's very possible it probably is then. Weekends seem to go by way too fast. I feel like I'm not getting the proper time needed to do things I want to do, for me. No me time! NONE! Even though I do. I have plenty of time that I sit here on my computer instead of taking my me time, even though this technically could be considered me time, but it's still not enough.

I guess where I'm going with this is I don't have time to do the projects I want to. I don't have as much time to bead as I'd like, to do my scrapbook, to write a story, a poem, or a song. Instead I find myself worrying about the future. What will I do in a year? I graduate. Then what? I have to find a job, but what if I can't? What will I do? I don't know why, but I have this HUGE fear of not having enough money. Perhaps it's because I've been kind of spoiled my whole life, and I don't want to have to "rough it". I'd like to be able to buy things for my crafty side and not worry about not having the money to buy a camera for my business next summer, or whatever it may be. I'd also like to be able to have all this time to do these crafty things and not worry about having to get my homework done, or go to my stupid walking class (yes, you read correctly, I am indeed in a walking class, and contrary to popular belief, I'm becoming quite talented in the skill of walking). Or have to worry about getting to bed in time so I'm not super tired at work the next day.

I think perhaps I need to stop looking at everyone's beautiful creations on Etsy, because when I see these things, it gives me this urge to go and bead or something, even sew! I haven't sewn in years! haha And so I'm becoming frustrated with the fact that I want to do all these projects and things, but I just don't have the time to do them, my homework, go to work, eat, sleep, go to my class, and spend time with friends. Maybe I'm just bad at time management. Or maybe I'm just lazy. I don't know, but I feel this need to do these things and wish I could make a living doing it, but it just seems so impossible. Especially jewelry because it's such a competitive area. *sigh* Oh well. I'll just keep making things on the side and see where I'm at next summer I suppose.

Jewelry for sale!

2008-07-12T23:51:00.002-05:00

Totally random, but here is a shameless plug to my little shop on Etsy where I sell jewelry that I make. :) Please take a look around and, by all means, buy stuff! :P

[edit] Ok, blogger totally cuts off my banner, but click it anyway. ;) [/edit]

Trust

2008-06-14T22:09:00.002-05:00

Before I begin this post, I'd like to say that it's slightly forced because Amanda told me I have to update, haha.

So one thing that I struggle with most is trust. I have no idea how this came about. I know it's normal for people to have trust issues, but...I have a hard time telling people some of the most ridiculous things. When I think back to my childhood and everything, I can't really pinpoint an experience that caused me to be this way. For whatever reason, I am so terrified of being betrayed that I just can't tell people things. When it comes down to it, I think this is one of the reasons I'm so quiet and don't talk much around people that I don't know. For awhile I thought it was just because I'm an observer, and I want to get to know people before I say something. I have a strange sense of humor, and I don't want to say something that would offend someone. So when I observe them for awhile, I get to know them, and feel like I can open up to them more. I know how similar their sense of humor is to mine, if they'll be offended because of this or that. I still believe that has something to do with it, but now I'm also beginning to think it has to do with trust.

I met one of my closest friends when I was in third grade. I still know her now, although we hardly see each other anymore, even though she lives down the street from me. Last year we were going for one of our walks, and for whatever reason, I decided I had to tell her something. Something I've never told anyone before or written about before in a journal. It took me about 12 years before I could trust her with such information. Granted, I think this is a little more than just your "I have a crush on this boy" thing. This was a BIG thing. To me anyway. And something I'm very self conscious about and causes a lot of stress and low self esteem for me. I'm not sure what she thought of it all, but I trust that she didn't tell anyone. I think one of the reasons I trusted her with that information, is that we don't have any of the same friends for her to tell. I'm afraid I may never be able to fully trust someone in a circle of friends.

So...if it took me that long to trust a dear friend, I'm wondering how I'll ever find a guy that I'll be able to trust, that will understand me and won't mock me for things like this. A guy that won't force me to do things quicker than I'm ready to. Even if I did find a guy outside of my circle of friends (which he'd have to be because most of the ones in my circle are either gay or I don't have interest in in that way), how long would it take for me to trust him?

I'm not sure why, but I have a really hard time trusting guys. So much so, that I don't like being alone with them. Again, I don't know why. Nothing happened to cause this. No one ever tried to rape me. No one touched me inappropriately. No one ever betrayed me. I had a lot of guy friends when I was younger. I'm not sure what happened. I suddenly became afraid of them to the point where I avoided them. And look where that's gotten me. If I ever find out that a guy likes me, I suddenly become very intimidated by them, and avoid them. It's so dumb. I continually avoid and push guys away, also avoiding the possibility of love, one of the things I wish for most of all. I think one of the reasons for this, is again, the trust issue. By allowing myself to be with a guy, form a relationship, serious or not, there is always the risk of being hurt. Betrayal. Crushed. That's one of the things I fear most too. A broken heart. But then...isn't it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Memories of long ago

2008-05-28T11:41:00.005-05:00

So today I'm home sick again. I was going through one of my dresser drawers where I keep all my photo albums. I decided to empty them out and get rid of the photo albums, and buy a couple more of the large ones instead of having 4 small ones sitting in a drawer.

While going through the drawer I found the album my aunt put together for me as part of my graduation present. It has pictures from when I was a baby up until my senior year of high school. Going through it I couldn't help but notice how happy a child I seemed to be. And then I began to wonder what went wrong. What changed. When my grandmother died, I remember seeing pictures from her house of her when she was younger, and how happy she seemed to be, and the people she was with. I wanted to have pictures like that. I wanted pictures where the happiness beamed from my face. I wanted to feel that way, at least once. Actually, I just wanted to be happy.

I'm not saying I'm sad or angry all the time, or that I'm never happy or having a good time. I just am not one of those people that are happy all the time or can put up a front. I wish I didn't have to put up a front. I wish I could just stop worrying so much about what people think of me, what I'm going to do the rest of my life, if I'll get married, all that. I wish I could just stop thinking about these things, and just live in the moment, enjoy what life is giving me. I don't know why, but I can't.

I completely under-appreciate things. I have so much, yet I rarely think about it, and how thankful I should be. I have a room FILLED with things. Things I don't even need. Some people don't even have half what I do.

This has led me to cleaning my room, trying to purge myself of things I don't need. Things that I need to let go of. Do I really need a box full of notes from middle school? A box full of cards I've been given my whole life? Old movie tickets? A keychain collection? A box full of beanie babies? Somehow, I think life would go on with or without these things.

I'm not entirely sure how this entry went from memories of my grandparents house and being happy and such to cleaning my room, but that's just how my mind works I guess.

What I intended to talk about was how much I miss my grandparents, and that feeling of family and being loved. Of being a child and just being happy and smiling all the time, not a care in the world. Why can't I have that now? Money. Because after college I need a job and I need money. Without money, I have no where to live. Granted, I'm sure my parents would allow me to stay home until I could find a job and afford to move out, but I don't want to be living here until I'm 30. And I don't want to move out until I have the money. I have this huge fear of spending more than I have and going into debt and not being able to get out. I don't know why because I've never been in that position. Maybe that's why it scares me so much?

Anyway, after looking at the album and having a good cry for awhile, I've decided that if I can, someday, I would like to buy my grandparent's house back. Of course, this probably won't happen, but it's a nice thought. I hated the idea of selling their house when my grandmother died. I practically grew up in that house. There were so many memories. To me selling the house meant leaving those memories behind. I just want my grandparents back, my family back, my happiness back, my memories back.

Pointless Rant

2008-05-27T12:59:00.002-05:00

So I've made it home from my Eurotrip. I'll write more about that later.

Since I got home, I've actually felt pretty sick. I felt sick before we left, but it's gotten worse. One of the girls went on the trip having been sick for a couple weeks before, then someone else got sick, then the baby got sick, then my roommate got sick, and now I'm feeling sick. I don't know if we all had the same thing or what, but...whatever. I've felt weak (maybe just from this exhausting trip), head hurts, runny nose, coughing, sneezing, plugged ears, hot and cold flashes, and I can feel the blood pulsing through my body. Not to mention upset stomach and not being able to eat without feeling like I'm going to throw up after. And you know how when you go to the doctor or something and they feel under your chin/neck to see if your glands are swollen or whatever? Well...when I try that, it actually hurts. I've never had it actually hurt.

So anyway, I emailed my supervisor about work tomorrow because I was supposed to go back tomorrow. She told me not to come in until Thursday, even though things sound like they might be pretty crazy there. If I'm feeling better, I will call her and see if she wants me to come in. I feel bad not being able to go in, but I can't stand up long enough to make me lunch let alone go to work. However, I have been feeling better, so hopefully I'll be ok to actually work the hours I scheduled for Thursday and Friday.

These few days after my arrival were supposed to be days where I went through shit and cleaned and stuff. That obviously isn't happening.

Ok, that wasn't actually a rant, but I do have one, no matter how petty it may seem.

So awhile ago I decided that I wanted to take a couple business courses at ARCC this summer. I sent an email last night asking about what I needed to do since my situation is a little confusing. Having attended ARCC a few years ago for PSEO, I wasn't sure if I still had any standing there if you will, so I didn't know if I needed to register or whatever. Anyway, so I got a response saying I needed to call the Records office and just change my record from PSEO to general college student. So I call, and the lady informs me I need to come in and have something in writing for them to do that. This is what peeves me. I know, not a big deal, especially considering they're like just down the street from me. But being sick and then thinking I can just do it online and then be told I have to come in, kind of annoying. I also realized that the cost of tuition is per credit. Not a big deal, except before I was thinking each class was a credit like at Augsburg, but no, the classes I want to take are 3 credits, so it's actually 3 times that amount on the website, meaning, I can probably only take one of the two this summer which is fine I guess. Just kind of disappointed in my poor math and attentiveness skills.

Anyway, I guess overall I'm just lonely and crabby and sick and sore and tired and just want to register for my stupid class(es)! The classes don't start until June 2nd, so I still have like a week to tend to all of this, but I just wanted to get it done NOW.

I guess something else I could rant about is this video I'm supposed to be doing for my friend's brother's graduation. Her mom is paying me to make one of those dvd slide show things, and she wanted me to use some of the home video that they have, but their camera is so old that I don't think I can. I've tried and the decoder doesn't seem to work and now I feel bad and I don't know what we're going to do about it. *sigh* If I'm going to start my own business, this is something that I need to figure out. I can't just say "Oh well, sorry." Thing is, I don't know how to go about figuring out how to fix it.

Freaking Out!!!

2008-05-09T23:00:00.003-05:00

So I leave for Germany, Poland and the Czech Republic in less than 24 hours.

Normally, this would be something to be excited about, and I am, but I'm also beginning to freak out.

No, not just get stressed from packing and getting ready and stuff, because that's not the case. Freaking out as in...about to burst into tears, getting afraid to go and be away from home for 2 weeks. I know, it's only 2 weeks, but that seems like a long time for being in countries where you don't speak the language. Everyone keeps telling me this and that about places like Germany, some contradicting others. This isn't helping my "freaking out levels".

I feel like part of the reason I'm feeling like this is because I never really thought I'd go. Never thought I'd apply. Never thought I'd be in the class. Never thought I'd be doing these readings. Never thought the day would come that we leave. Never thought I'd land in Europe.

May 10th just sort of snook up on me. Everyone kept asking if I was excited to go, and yes, I was excited, but the reality of how close this trip was wasn't really hitting home with me.

I feel like I'm about to have a mental break down. And I can't stop my eyes from tearing up.

I'm excited. But more scared. I just need to keep reminding myself that Gabby will be there. There's no WAY I'd be doing this without her.

Where am I going?

2008-05-07T19:36:00.002-05:00

So I've been thinking lately. I really need to stop doing that--all this thinking.

So I'm a film major. Ever since I was little I loved picking up the camera and filming things and telling stories and such. I love movies. I love watching them, but I love watching the behind the scenes footage more sometimes. When I'm watching something, rather than becoming engulfed in the story, I'll be sitting there asking myself questions like "How did they shoot that?" My curiosity and joy for these sorts of things led me to believe that this was perhaps my calling in life. Filmmaking was what I was meant to do.

I have lately began to think otherwise. There are a few things that have caused me to be thinking this way.

One of the reasons is the opportunity I had to work on a movie this summer. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it in here before, but long story short, when I study abroad, I will be missing the first two weeks of shooting. When I return, I'd be able to help on the next three weeks, because that's all that remains. And that's IF I get the internship. Now...this is a HUGE opportunity being that I live in Minnesota. I mean, how many movies are produced here? Thing is...I'm not too heartbroken about it.

I also don't feel that I really want this enough to really put myself out there. I'm a very quiet person, and I have a hard time meeting new people. I don't mean that meeting new people is just hard in general, but I have really bad anxiety about it. If I'm going to make it in the film industry, it's going to rely on who I know, or networking. Let's see...severe social anxiety + networking = failure at a career. If I wanted it bad enough, I would be willing to deal with all that anxiety, but I don't...

I'm also beginning to question my actual ability and knowledge as a filmmaker. I don't feel $90,000 smarter. College was a waste of my time and my dad's money. In my opinion anyway. I'm sure I'm smarter than before starting college, but I don't feel like it.

So overall, when it comes down to it, I was thinking about the future, and what I'd like to do for a living. Is filmmaking really something I'd like to do for the rest of my life? Or just something that would be fun every now and then? If I don't do that, what WILL I do? Will I even have an actual career? Or will I just go from job to job for the rest of my life? Find someone and get married and be a stay at home mom/wife? I honestly can't see myself doing something for the next thirty years of my life.

I have no clue what I'm going to do after college. I thought perhaps about going to school again. But for what? More general stuff? Or something specific? I guess I still have another year to figure it out, but it'd just be nice to KNOW.

2008-05-04T12:36:00.002-05:00

It is so nice to wake up and just lay in bed for awhile doing absolutely nothing. Just laying curled up under the blankets, head sunk in my pillow, just thinking about things. Things like...how nice it is to be laying in bed with nothing to do or worry about. For now anyway.

I leave for Germany, Poland and the Czech Republic in less than a week. LESS THAN a week. I can not believe how quickly it's come up. Seems like I just turned in my study abroad application a week ago, and now here the trips is, just around the corner. I feel like I should be running around frantically preparing for the trip, but there's not much I can do at this point I don't think. It's more like I have to get my ass in gear and read all the stuff for the class for Friday night rather than get ready for studying abroad. Anyway, I'm really excited to go, but nervous as well. Flying is something I'm not fond of, and trying to communicate with people that I haven't any clue about their language doesn't sit well either. I have a hard enough time communicating with people in English here let alone in another country. Oh well. I will survive, I'm sure.

So here is a list of things to do to get ready to go:

- buy another memory card for my camera

- by more batteries for my camera since the ones I have can not be trusted

- figure out this transformer stuff for outlets (I already have converter plugs, but I guess that's not enough)

- find out what Gabby found out about our money and money belts

- figure out what to pack for clothing

- go shopping for clothing if necessary (or just for fun)

- see if I have another months worth of bc

- get a calling card

- decide what extra fun stuff I'm bringing (ipod, books, etc)

- call about my credit and debit cards

- get a book to use as my journal while there

- get some snacks to bring with

That's all I can really think of for now. So...just because I can, here are some things I'm worried about:

- plane crash

- not being able to sleep on plane

- having a hard time adjusting to new time

- not liking any of the food and basically starving for two weeks

- not being able to communicate with anyone while there

- being to scared to actually do anything during my free time

- not packing enough/packing too much

- having my camera or something else stolen

- having trouble with my credit/debit cards

- not knowing how the currency works

- not knowing how much to tip and tipping improperly

- getting lost

- getting kidnaped (joking, sorta, lol)

- getting my period

- being bored in the room because we can't understand anything on the tv

That's about all for that list at the moment as well. Obviously I worry a bit. Oh well...it could have been worse, I guess!

Crabby

2008-04-30T22:30:00.003-05:00

So I don't know why (well...maybe I do), but I'm really crabby right now. Like...REALLY crabby. And to try get rid of this crabbiness, I'm going to write about what's annoying me right now. I'll start from the beginning.

1. My mom took Natasha out to go potty. Seems harmless, however, she allowed her to run crazy in circles around the yard, so when she came back in, she kept coughing and spitting up. Then my mom asks me to clean it up. This is rather annoying since Natasha gets up every 5 seconds to spit up more.

2. My father tells me to move my stuff out of the garage. My mom doesn't help. My dad doesn't help. I had to move all that heavy shit myself.

3. I decide to go back to school tonight in order to party with Kelsey since she will not be here tomorrow night to party. So I'm about ready to head over, when she tells me they aren't having people over anymore, and they're leaving for the bar at 10. I wouldn't have gotten there until 10. This is rather annoying.

4. I'm finishing up cleaning my room, when all the sudden the transformer in our backyard practically explodes and we lose power. Guess I can leave sooner than I'd planned on. Can't clean my room in the dark. Putting makeup on in the dark also proved to be difficult.

5. On the way to school my mom keeps talking to me. Why is this annoying? You know, for the longest time I couldn't figure it out, but I think I finally did tonight. She either a. goes on for 20 minutes about something that really could have taken like 2 minutes, or b. asks question after question so I feel like I'm just being interrogated.

6. We pull up to school and create a traffic jam. I'm not going to go into detail.

7. I'm not even in my room five minutes before certain people who shall remain nameless enter and proceed to be annoying.

8. Apparently everyone wants to go out tonight so they go and I stay here because I'm annoyed and don't feel like going out.

9. Sick of other people bitching all the time. It's making be bitch all the time.

2008-04-25T23:03:00.002-05:00

So spring semester is coming to a close. Finals start Monday next week and are done by Thursday. I'm getting really stressed out from everything that I have to do in the next four days. I just can't wait to be back home again.

So what am I doing this summer? For starters I will be studying abroad in Germany, Poland and the Czech Republic from May 10th-24th. I'm really excited, but a little worried at the same time. It should be a really great experience for me either way. Gabby and I have already planned on getting together a few times this summer after to work on making scrapbooks of our trip. I will also be taking a screenwriting course this summer, as well as my last gym class.

As for work, I will be returning to the office yet again. I would really like to try find some kind of internship for the summer, but I just don't think that's going to happen. There is a movie that is going to be in production here soon, and I sent in my resume. I talked to someone working on it and he didn't seem to want to set up an interview with me until I come back from studying abroad, so we shall see. Josh Hartnett is producing it, so it'd be really cool if I could help work on it, even if it's just for a couple weeks.

As for free time, which there probably won't be much of, here are some things I'd like to do:

-beading, beading and more beading

-update jewelry website

-spend more time with friends instead of stuck inside

-workout and lose weight!

-I'm sure there's more, I'm just too tired to think right now

Just the Beginning

2008-04-25T11:34:00.000-05:00

I'm not entirely sure why I created this, since I have a livejournal and I never use it. Perhaps this will be different. I'm going to try actually using this blog to record goals, feelings, thoughts, etc. to explore more about who I am and what I'm doing in life, because now that I'm a year away from graduating college, I still have no clue what the fuck I'm doing in this world.